Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Rainy Morning Thoughts
It's raining this morning. I quite enjoy listening to the pitter patter of falling drops from the sky. The sound reminds me of my time in Thailand--when I would look out my hut and see that again the sky was a magnificent gray and white blanket wrapped around the lush greens and browns of the jungle (which is actually a tropical rain forest). Days like this remind me of that time. A time where my greatest worry was whether there would be enough "ma-muang" to go around for breakfast and if our morning chore was picking up ele (elephant) poop or cutting big grass for the eles to eat. That time of my life was much different than it is now. . . today.
Now, I work 9AM-5PM. Five days a week I drive with the masses of other U.S. Americans to my office the size closet. I sit at a computer desk for at least 8 hours a day, staring blankly at the screen and typing on my desktop like a robot from The Jetsons. Then, after my work day is over, I drive home, sitting in traffic with people who are angry and upset that they won't make it home soon enough to catch their favorite show or eat their fast food dinner, before crawling into their California King size bed and falling asleep next to their partner. . .or alone.
Don't get me wrong though, I enjoy the convenience of attending a film screening or going to the art museum on the weekends. Even being able to go 10 minutes away and have whatever I want to eat is a luxury that I allow myself to indulge in from time to time. Sometimes, I just struggle with how polluted I feel my life has become since I've returned to the States. Here, my soul feels like it is being suffocated. I admit that working for a social service agency makes this world bearable, although at times I know I struggle with working there because it is promoting a system that I sincerely wish would be thrown out. I don't like the idea of assisting my clients in working around the system, I would rather just overthrow it. I know that this is doing the best I can with what I have right now, but I can't help but feel it is not enough.
. . .Well, enough rambling for this morning. I'll rant some more later. . . and perhaps write something worth reading.
Now, I work 9AM-5PM. Five days a week I drive with the masses of other U.S. Americans to my office the size closet. I sit at a computer desk for at least 8 hours a day, staring blankly at the screen and typing on my desktop like a robot from The Jetsons. Then, after my work day is over, I drive home, sitting in traffic with people who are angry and upset that they won't make it home soon enough to catch their favorite show or eat their fast food dinner, before crawling into their California King size bed and falling asleep next to their partner. . .or alone.
Don't get me wrong though, I enjoy the convenience of attending a film screening or going to the art museum on the weekends. Even being able to go 10 minutes away and have whatever I want to eat is a luxury that I allow myself to indulge in from time to time. Sometimes, I just struggle with how polluted I feel my life has become since I've returned to the States. Here, my soul feels like it is being suffocated. I admit that working for a social service agency makes this world bearable, although at times I know I struggle with working there because it is promoting a system that I sincerely wish would be thrown out. I don't like the idea of assisting my clients in working around the system, I would rather just overthrow it. I know that this is doing the best I can with what I have right now, but I can't help but feel it is not enough.
. . .Well, enough rambling for this morning. I'll rant some more later. . . and perhaps write something worth reading.
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